Some people inflict bodily pain upon themselves as penance for wrong-doing. Athletes endure physically crushing ordeals just to earn a gold medal. Protestors hunger strike to the point of starvation to bring down corrupt political regimes.
But we, Chop Pointers of the world, we undergo pain and suffering for no good reason. There is no gold medal at the end of our road, no scoured conscience or liberation of oppressed masses. For us, it’s just the end of camp, the long drawn out farewells, and the lonely aching hearts for months thereafter.
It truly does beg the question, “Why do we do this to ourselves?”
We could live even-keeled, unemotional lives where we have a couple friends who we see every day and only ever say "See ya later" to. But no, we insist on ripping our hearts out every summer and loving people who live hours, sometimes days away more passionately than we love anymore nearby. We choose to weep and blubber and snot all over each other when we could be normal individuals who casually high-five each other. Instead of peaceful summer days and nights, we live for the pain and torture of "Good-bye, I may never see you again."
I think we have a serious disease.
So like any good medical professional, I’ve spent hours, not thinking of a cure because this malady is clearly incurable, but thinking of prevention techniques. Ways to keep the campers from liking each other and therefore missing each other. Ways to keep the staff from liking the campers and therefore missing them. Simply put, how to stop the Chop Point disease before it strikes.
Method #1: Duct tape everyone’s mouths shut so that they cannot have good conversation and get to know each other well.
Method #2: Award extra desserts to any camper or counselor who cannot remember the names of their cabin mates.
Method #3: Place in solitary confinement in the pig pen any campers who exhibit signs of being friendly such as smiling and making eye contact.
Method #4: Eliminate all activities considered “fun” and replace them with “unfun” activities such as cleaning toilets and stacking wood and scrubbing buoys.
Method #5: Stop accepting campers.
Unfortunately, as is the case of prevention techniques for many illnesses, these methods are not exactly foolproof. So we resign ourselves to suffer on, missing one another and living for the days when we will be reunited.
Fellow victims, be strong and courageous! This too shall pass.