Anytime I sit down to pray since the earthquake, I end up sobbing. If I could have a guaranteed hour of solitude, I would let the tears come, but I rarely get more than a few minutes alone. And when I pray, through the tears, all I want to say to God is “Why did you let this happen?”
I haven’t heard the answer to my question yet. But the other questions I ask show me again and again that God has been with me and with the country of Haiti from the very beginning. There is no other explanation.
Why did the quake happen exactly when it did instead of a few hours earlier when tens of thousands of children would have been in school or a few hours later when the entire country would have been in bed? Why did the quake happen during dry season instead of rainy season or the very hot months when thousands in refugee camps would have died of heat stroke and dehydration?
Why was my house perfectly intact so that I had access to all my medical supplies during that first critical 48 hours? Why did I already have a surgical kit prepared with suture materials and bandages? Why was I able to instantly find all my emergency equipment when they starting carrying up victims? Why did all the furniture in my house fall over except the shelves when I stock my pharmacy?
Why did I know how to suture wounds when most second year nurses have not gotten to learn that? Why did the ABC reporter call immediately after the quake so that I was able to get a message to my family that I was alive? Why had I met G three days before the quake so that in the middle of the night when I needed a helper, he was someone I trusted? Why did I have one precious bottle of vicodin, just enough to control Bill’s pain until he got evacuated to the US? Why did I have the connections to Commander Strong and the military that have kept us supplied with formula and food?
The only answer that I have is that God’s hand has been on me every step of the way. And though I still do not understand the big WHY, I see enough evidence of His goodness in those little things to continue trusting that He is sovereign and He has not abandoned this country.