Patient: I have anemia.
Me: What makes you think you have anemia?
Patient: My hands hurt when it rains.
Patient: Doctor, that bandage that you wrapped around my knee - can I use this safety pin to hold in place or will that make it worse?
Patient: Doc, I have this bump above my right eye that really scares me.
Me: Why does it scare you?
Patient: Because sometimes, when I wake up, it's above my LEFT eye!
Patient: Please help my daughter. She has worms.
Me: Have you seen them?
Patient: No, but I know she has them because she talks in her sleep.
Patient: You have to give me medicine for my son. He keeps running away from home.
Patient: I have frequent nosebleeds.
Me: What do you generally do to stop the nosebleeds?
Patient: I wash my hair.
Patient: I need treatment. I have started spitting too much.
Patient (11 year old girl): I just want to warn you. I have a lot of things wrong with me!
Me: (Stiffling a giggle) Well, go ahead and tell me.
Patient: My head hurts, I have a cold, my stomach hurts at night, I have a rash on my leg, my knee is sore, my eyes itch, and I have this white water coming out into my underpants sometimes. I think it's sperm.