"I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

In Haiti, it is fashionable to have a large derriere. I like to say that if you have a true Haitian fanny, you can balance a cup of water on it while standing upright. Kattia has been pestering me for months: "Why are Americans generally heavier than Haitians, but Americans have flatter stomachs?" I denied it for a while, but after looking around, I realized that she was right. We do have flatter stomachs.

I was flummoxed. Why the difference in stomach flat-ness? Finally, it occurred to me. Haitians have a much more defined spinal curvature than white people do. I sat Kattia down and told her that I had discovered the truth. "God made the first Haitian and the first blan and He asked them what they would rather have, a big butt or a flat stomach. The Haitian chose the large tush and the white chose the flat tummy. You can't have both."

She didn't believe me at first (about the relationship between bottom and belly, not about God asking the people what they wanted. She's figured out what parts of a conversation with me are silly and what are serious). I had to bring out Argentine, the queen of the Haitian derriere, to compare with me. Then they all believed. They were disappointed to hear that no matter of exercise or dieting will get them an American-like flat stomach, but they all agreed that given the choice, they would stick with the large rears.

In case I had any doubt about their sincerity, I entered the girls' room one evening to find them stuffing their pants to enlarge their buns. T-shirts, skirts, sheets...everything they could lay their hands on got shoved into their pants or under their dresses. What a sight!